i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Randomize
