oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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