i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
