Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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