I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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