omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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