They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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