I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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