Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
