I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
