He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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