whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
