The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
