There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
