hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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