Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
