I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
