i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i drank out of a bidet.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
