Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
