yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
