His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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