I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
