Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Operation Purity has been aborted
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
