You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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