So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I did not marry a roomba.
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