my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
