I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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