So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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