dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
