Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
