Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
