When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
