The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
