Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
