I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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