if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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