Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
