everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
