Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
