As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
