i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
