Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
