Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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