that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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