two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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