Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize