Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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