I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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