If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
