yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
