Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
