We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
