I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
