Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Dear god my vagina.
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