Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
