Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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