She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
