grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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