I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
