Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
