My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
