i think my mom watched the whole time
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
