i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You ruined the universe
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
