how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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