I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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