Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize