Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
